


If Time Isn't Real, What About Age?

by longhairshortfuse



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Loss, M/M, Sad, eventual glimpse of recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 14:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4750241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/longhairshortfuse/pseuds/longhairshortfuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carlos finally gets around to analysing five years' worth of data on his, Cecil's and Earl's ageing processes. </p><p>His results are clear, and the prognosis is poor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Data

**Author's Note:**

  * For [valda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/valda/gifts).



> Based on a prompt from Cosleia over on tumblr.
> 
>  
> 
> _I'm full of shit, er, evil fic prompts tonight. Want one? Here you go: Earl is no longer 19. But according to Carlos' studies, he's not aging normally now. He's aging at an accelerated rate, and he'll be dead within five years._

"Ceece, are you busy?" Carlos's head poked through the dining room door.  
Cecil looked up from his sewing machine and muttered, "hmm, hang on." Carlos watched as Cecil pulled pins out of fabric and stuck them in the fuzzy white pincushion that lit up if you pressed a button in the base. Carlos smiled, it had taken him ages to make it for Cecil's last birthday.  
Eventually Cecil was done. He folded the fabric and smiled. "Not busy now. You need help with some scientific emergency?"

Carlos frowned and nodded. Cecil's eyebrows shot up. "Really! You want help with science?"  
"Kind of," Carlos said. "Not so much the actual mechanics of doing science so much as the interpretation of results and formation of a conclusion consistent with valid data, followed by the discussion of likely outcomes based on predictions within the bounds of reasonable estimates of uncertainties in my data that..."  
Cecil stood up and walked over to Carlos, still hovering by the door as he babbled. Cecil slipped both arms around the scientist's waist and hugged him.  
"You're worried about something, aren't you?"

Carlos led Cecil into the living room and sat sideways on the sofa, leg tucked up, facing him. "Ceece, how old are you?"  
Cecil shrugged. "I don't know. I think I look around forty." Cecil sighed and took Carlos's hand. "Carlos, honey, we've had this conversation already. Twice. It's why I agreed to let you study my ageing process over the past five years. It's why I helped you to persuade Earl to agree to take part in your study too."  
"I know. Sorry, Ceece," Carlos squeezed Cecil's hand. "It's just that after five years I have enough data to analyse. And the results are weird. I don't mean a little unexpected like _I found my glasses in the fridge, that's weird I left them on the shelf,_ I mean the trend in the data is so unlikely that I re-analysed it, like, eight times using three different statistical tests and... Ugh."  
Carlos looked away.

Cecil massaged Carlos's hand in both of his. "Hey, tell me if you want. I might not understand all you tell me, but I understand that you are upset about it."  
Carlos glanced round at Cecil. He turned and moved closer, settled himself with his head on Cecil's shoulder.  
"Okay. You appear not to be ageing noticeably. You looked about forty when we met. You still look about forty almost nine years later. That's weird, but doesn't worry me too much except that I'm ageing at the standard rate so when I am elderly you will probably still look about forty and you might not want to sleep with an old man. But we'll deal with that--"  
"Hey you can stop that! Carlos, are you concerned that at some unspecified point in the future I'm going to dump you for a younger man? Is that what this is about?" Cecil wrapped both arms around Carlos and kissed him. "I can't say for sure what will happen in the future but whenever I imagine us in ten years, twenty years, whatever, I imagine us together. You, me, Earl."

Carlos froze. He leaned into Cecil's embrace for a moment then shook Cecil off and sat up. Carlos took both of Cecil's hands in his and looked into his eyes.  
"That's the thing. That's the thing that terrifies me. Cecil, have you ever really _looked_ at Earl? I mean studied his face and the way he moves and watched him when he's busy doing stuff?"  
Cecil frowned. "I see Earl all the time! Of course I look at him. He's got a really nice face, looks so kind and when he smiles his wrinkles just..." Cecil stopped, eyes wide and mouth slack. "Oh. I think I see what you mean."  
"Yeah. Earl looked like a well-worn twenty when he was scoutmaster. When I came back from New Desert Bluffs I thought he looked about the same age as you. When he moved in with us I thought I'd got that wrong and he must be a little older than you. Now, five years after that he's actually starting to be old. Ceece, at this rate we'll lose him way too soon."  
Carlos's voice cracked at his conclusion. He launched himself into Cecil's arms, held tight and sobbed.

Cecil rocked Carlos gently until the scientist went quiet. He cleared his throat.  
"Um, could you, you know, be... um. Could you have misinterpreted your data?"  
Carlos lay with his head on Cecil's shoulder in that heavy, quiet, unreal space that follows from weeping. He fiddled with the buttons that decorated the front of Cecil's tunic.  
"No. I wish I was wrong but I am as sure as I can be that Earl is ageing faster than he should be. Ceece, if I'm right he's going to need us and we need to be ready to care for him if he can't care for himself."

Cecil pushed Carlos off so he could sit up then offered Carlos his arms again. Carlos shook his head and sat up too. Cecil shook his head.  
"I understand what you told me, but who gets to decide how quickly anyone _should_ be ageing? From your point of view, I'm hardly ageing at all and Earl's ageing too fast. What if Earl is the 'normal' one here and we're both too slow?"  
Carlos frowned. "Huh. I suppose that's... possible. It would need years of study and gathering data from hundreds, thousands of people. Hmmm," Carlos stroked his chin. "Do you think Mayor Dana might grant me a permit to--"  
"No!" Cecil waved his hands in a kind of crossover scything motion. "Carlos, you know you asked us to tell you when science looked like it was about to turn you into an asshole?"  
Carlos sighed. "Shame, it would be so fascinating to study the entire population of Night Vale. What should we tell Earl and Roger?"  
Cecil shrugged. "Nothing at all. Roger looks like a nineteen year old, so he's probably not affected. Right? And Earl's not going to want us treating him any different just because he looks older. Can you imagine his reaction if you offer, I dunno, to help him with the stairs? I know you think scientists are self-reliant but _scoutmasters?_ Tentacles-take-me!" Carlos managed a smile at the face Cecil pulled. Cecil laughed. "Whatever happens, Carlos, we will be okay. We can always redefine _okay_ to fit whatever we become."

Cecil leaned over and kissed Carlos, soft and lingering. He pulled back before heat risked interrupting, and formed his lips into a tight line, brows down low.  
"Can you predict how long we have with Earl?"  
Carlos shrugged. "If I extrapolate all my graphs using slightly different best-fit lines and formulas, I estimate we have around five years if he ages in a linear model. If it's not linear we might get a little more or less, but it amounts to only a couple of months either side of five years."  
Cecil smiled, eyes glistening, suppressing the tears that threatened and would start Carlos off again. "I guess we ought to start making them count. No more putting things off for a future we might not share."


	2. Birthday

Earl laughed when he saw the dining table covered in gaudily wrapped boxes. "Guys! Really, this is too much!"  
Carlos and Cecil hugged him one after the other. Carlos grinned at Earl's delighted expression. Cecil kissed Earl's cheek. "Happy birthday, handsome. You deserve nice things."  
Carlos watched Cecil waltz Earl around the room. Earl moved with a little less fluidity than Cecil, but Cecil was surprisingly graceful and Earl looked like a well-maintained sixty-something to Carlos's early fifties and Cecil's forty. He briefly wondered how others saw them when they went out together, holding hands in various combinations as they meandered through the park, or snatching a kiss across the table at the Moonlite when they thought no one was looking. But Carlos also reflected that, scientifically speaking, it was no one else's damn business.

Earl pulled Carlos's arm on their next pass around the room. "Uh, you have to take over. I want to sit down. I was on my feet all last night!"  
Carlos laughed and danced to Cecil's imaginary tune while Earl recovered. Two circuits of the table later, Cecil and Carlos slowed to a stop in front of Earl and pulled him up for another hug. 

Earl giggled. "Seriously, you really went overboard for my birthday. You got me so much stuff!"  
Carlos smiled. "Cecil said it, you deserve nice things. We tried to get you last night off but they said no, like, five times." Carlos rolled his eyes. "That's what you get for being great at your job. Roger's coming over for dinner this evening. Cecil's making your favourite."  
Earl's face lit up. "A phone call to Rico's?"  
Cecil laughed and nodded.

They spent what remained of the morning drinking coffee and discussing what to do with the afternoon while Earl unwrapped his birthday presents. He almost shrieked when he opened a slim envelope to find four tickets for a hot-air balloon ride and called the number on the front to set up a date for it right away. Cecil laughed and nudged Carlos, murmuring, _wait until he opens the skydiving one! You got a defibrillator for his impending heart attack?_  
Carlos hugged Cecil tight and murmured back, _shuddup that's not funny._

Earl returned with the phone in his hand. "Hey guys, I can take three guests. Who do you suggest?" Carlos and Cecil both raised their hands and grinned. Earl nodded and left the room, talking into the phone again. "Sure, so that's Earl Harlan, Roger Harlan, Cecil Palmer and... yes. Carlos Scientist. Great, see you then."  
Earl returned without the phone. "They can do next Monday afternoon." He held out his hands, beckoning Carlos and Cecil up. "I think I know what I want to do for at least part of the day. It is my birthday, right?" Cecil and Carlos nodded. "And you said I deserve nice things?"  
"Mmhmmhmm," replied Cecil, grinning at Earl's leer.  
"Scientifically speaking, it has been shown repeatedly that doing nice things improves mood and gives the, um, partners involved a more optimistic--"  
"Save it, scientist," sniggered Earl. "You two are going to make me feel _very_ nice for a while."

Much later, after lunch at the Moonlite and a stroll through the park, a drive out to the edge of the Whispering Forest to hear the trees flatter Earl from the safety of a high perimeter fence preventing accidental dendrification, and a walk in the sand wastes where Earl pointed out some of his old favourite camping spots, they sat in their own kitchen tired from trying to pack so much into a single day. Earl had tidied away most of his presents, Roger had been and gone and the pizza boxes were empty. 

"Thank you." Earl rested his head on his hands, elbows on the table.  
Carlos smiled. "Aw, Earl, sweetie, we wanted you to have a great birthday."  
"The best ever," added Cecil.  
"No, not for that, although thank you for my birthday too." Earl smiled and took Carlos's left hand and Cecil's right. "Thank you for never mentioning it. Roger knows too, it's okay to talk about it but thank you for never fussing over me."  
Cecil frowned. "Oh? what do you mean?"  
"My apparent age compared to yours. Cecil, you forgot a huge chunk of your life, it's as if those years never existed for you and perhaps you're getting them back now. I was nineteen for decades and I might be paying for that. But even I can see that I look older, way older, and you look the same. Carlos?"  
"Uh?"  
"You stopped taking samples in your study of our ageing processes. Were you afraid of the results?"

Carlos nodded. "It is bad science to abandon such a fascinating project because I did not like the apparent trend, but I could not bear to project forward in time to the inevitable conclusion. I don't want to know, Earl."  
Earl released Cecil's hand so he could stroke Carlos's rough grey stubble. "What if I want to know, Carlos? What if I want to pack thirty years into whatever time I have left? What if I want to make my own decisions about... things?"  
Carlos frowned. "Earl, I don't know--"  
"Carlos, I need this. I need to plan. I need to know how long I have. I mean, should I quit my job to have time to spend with family? Should I work more hours so I can earn enough to do all the fun stuff I want? Please, Carlos, you can probably count on another thirty or forty years, barring accidents, you can afford to pace yourself. I can't."

"Three more years give or take," blurted Cecil. "And I've been thinking that you two could get married."


	3. Speeches

Carlos looked at Cecil, standing just the other side of Earl, with a feeling of trepidation about what he was about to say. Cecil rested a hand on Earl's shoulder and smiled down at him, then winked at Carlos.

"Listeners? Sorry, old habits die infrequently. Guests, friends and family, and that random guy pretending to be on the groom's side, _welcome... to the Harlan-Scientist wedding!_ "

The guests gave a good natured cheer. Steve furtively checked his stopwatch was running and looked down the list of names and times for the "how long will Cecil talk" sweepstake. Abby tutted at him but checked her name was on the list.

"Some of you are no doubt surprised that my dear Carlos, my favourite interloper scientist, and my childhood best friend, Earl, are sitting up here as husband and husband, and I am happy. You may be asking yourself, _how did this happen?_ Well, listeners, why ask yourself who know nothing when you could ask me."

Earl and Carlos looked at each other, laughed and shrugged. Janice, sitting at Carlos's other elbow, leaned over and quietly pointed out that anyone with ears and a radio knew everything.

"Carlos tells me it is a scientific law that two objects each in thermal equilibrium with a third must also be in thermal equilibrium with each other. After much scientific explanation I think our relationship matches that rule. I love Earl. I love Carlos. It makes perfect scientific sense that Earl and Carlos grew to love each other too. And I am proud and happy to be part of that."

Cecil glanced down at Carlos, who gave him a brief thumbs-up and a grin. Earl laughed and wondered if it would be bad form to slap the best man's ass. 

"But, listeners, you know I could talk for hours or minutes and I would still fail to convey how excited I was the day Carlos and Earl and I went shopping for rings," Cecil thumbed the back of the eternity ring he wore that matched the style of the happy couple's wedding rings, "or how happy it made me to organise this _best_ of weddings. So I will keep it short." 

Abby and Janice winked at each other. Cecil picked up his glass and held it high.

"To Earl and Carlos, who make each other happy."

The seated guests chorused _Earl and Carlos!_ and swigged their fizzy wine, apart from Maureen who fist-pumped the air and waved at Steve. Janice and Roger spoke next, a carefully rehearsed dialogue that made the guests laugh.

Earl stood up to thank Cecil for planning their day and the staff of Tourniquet for not making him cook his own wedding banquet. However, he stuck almost to his planned speech, knowing Cecil had allowed him three uses of the phrase _...and that's a recipe for..._ before Cecil and Carlos would pull him back into his seat. 

Carlos stood up to speak last. His stomach fluttered and he felt heat rise up his cheeks.

"Um, hi and thank you all so much for coming." Carlos looked down at Cecil, who smiled back up at him. "As a scientist, I do not believe in luck. Things happen as a result of other things that happened before that, and before that, and... What? Oh. Janice is telling me to get to the point. Okay. Um, First I would like to say thank you to Janice and Roger for being such amazing grooms' persons."

Carlos sipped his water and felt Earl's hand stroke slowly up the back of his thigh. He almost giggled into his glass. 

"I came to Night Vale as a stranger about fourteen years ago by my best estimate, because time is weird and time isn't real anyway, and this has become my home. I met Cecil on my very first day here and, as some of you might know, it took me a year to realise that I... um..." 

The guests giggled. Carlos felt Earl's hand reach his ass. 

"We are all alone. We inhabit our own world inside here," Carlos pointed to his head, "and we populate our own worlds with versions of those people who touch our lives. It took me a year to realise that I wanted someone, Cecil, to become such an integral part of my life that my world would dissolve like salt in water without him. I thought for a while that Cecil was the key to solving the puzzle of my life."

Carlos slowly moved his own hand to Earl's to prevent any further incursion. He slid Earl's hand down and held it still against his leg. 

"But of course that isn't right, really, because we are affected by so many different and conflicting factors. There are too many variables to solve the equations that are formed from a life full of cause and effect, friends and acquaintances and strangers, losses and loves. No one single person holds the complete solution to another person's happiness."

Earl turned his hand so that his fingers wrapped around Carlos's. Carlos smiled at him.

"Cecil introduced me to Earl not long after I returned from New Desert Bluffs ten years ago. A scientist is predictable, that is the, hmm..." Carlos stroked his chin, "twelfth thing a scientist is. It took me a year to see that Earl was going to be every bit as important in my life as Cecil already was. Earl, I have just promised in front of everyone what I have promised every day in private for years, to love you for the remainder of our lives. Cecil, I wish I was able to make the same official vow to you. How lucky am I, to have found two such wonderful people to share my life?"

Earl's hand squeezed Carlos's jut once. Carlos looked down at Earl's silver halo and smiled. He raised his glass. "To my family."

Abby hissed at Steve during Carlos's applause, _"Hey, how come you never blubbed at our wedding?"_  
Steve smiled and wiped his face on a napkin. "I was thinking about how it should be Cecil getting married too, you know?"  
Abby punched Steve's arm and handed him a paper tissue. "I think he'll get his own wedding in due course."

Later on, after the Svitzian oompah band had gone and most of the guests had called cabs or been assisted up to hotel rooms above the colourfully decorated function suite, after Janice and Roger accepted hugs and invitations to visit more, after Abby hugged her brother for a few seconds longer than usual, Earl, Carlos and Cecil sat around a table with generic pop playing quietly in the background as a half-dozen tired wait staff cleared smeary glassware off stained tablecloths, and stacked chairs.

Earl closed his eyes and slumped forward onto his arms. Carlos rubbed his back.  
"You want to go upstairs? They gave us the honeymoon suite. Ceece had a look, it'll fit all of us."  
Cecil nodded and stroked Earl's arm. "It's huge and there's champagne and chocolates and flowers. It's real fancy."  
Earl groaned. "Guys, you two go ahead if you want but... I can't believe I'm saying this... Can we please go home to our own bed? To, you know, sleep?"  
Cecil laughed. "Sure. I'll call us a cab."  
Carlos yawned and stood up. "Come on, Earl Harlan-Scientist, can we at least look at the room and rescue the champagne before we go?"  
Earl stood and leaned on his husband. "Ugh I swear I put my back out during that polka. Carlos, I think I'm getting elderly instead of just old." 

Carlos hugged Earl, both arms around Earl's waist, Earl's arms around his neck.  
"No you're good. Come on, let's go home."  
But Carlos felt the change in Earl's frame, a new fragility behind the tiredness that he had not noticed before.


	4. Inevitable

Carlos forced a smile for Cecil's sake.   
"Hey, sweetie! Earl was just awake. He had some protein shake and kept it down. I told him you'd be home soon."  
Cecil dropped his bag at the door and kissed Carlos. He leaned over to kiss Earl's forehead.  
"He looks so calm. I doubt I'd be as strong in his position."  
Carlos sighed. "I know what you mean."

\-----

Earl woke up, face twisting with the cramp in his hip. Two pairs of arms lifted him, hoisted him up the bed and propped him up with pillows.  
"Uuh, thanks guys."  
"You want anything to drink?" Cecil asked, stroking Earl's shrivelled cheek and leaning over to kiss dry lips.  
"Yeah. Beer. Cold."  
Carlos laughed. "Earl! That would be so bad for you right now! Shake?"   
Earl could still stare out from under his wild eyebrows. He fixed Carlos with a glare.  
"You think it will make a difference?"

\------

"Aaah, c'mon Ceece, you take care of Carlos and I'll be okay." Earl gave Cecil's fingers a weak, painful squeeze and wheezed into his mask. "Where's my husband anyway?"  
Cecil smiled. "He said you asked him to get you something. He went out. I expect he'll be back soon."  
Earl sighed, the oxygen easing his heaving chest, closed his eyes. "Mmm, Didn'think he would."  
Cecil lifted Earl's twisted hand and kissed the swollen knuckles. "Carlos would do anything you asked of him. Almost."  
Earl sighed again. "Almost."

\------

Carlos covered Earl's hand gently and gripped Cecil's, resting on Earl's thigh. Cecil held onto Earl's other hand. They both looked at Earl's face, untroubled by the rasp of his throat as it struggled to supply starving lungs.  
"Did we do right, Cecil?" Carlos murmured, in case Earl could still hear. "It was inevitable and we could have saved him a day of pain."  
Cecil let go Earl's hand and stroked his slack cheek. "We can never know that. I know that I could not do it and you could not do it and I think Earl knew it too before he asked."  
Carlos nodded. "I would always be unsure of whose pain I was easing." 

They sat motionless and silent until night fell around them and Roger's evening phone call jolted them back into the world.


	5. We Are Okay

By necessity, Night Vale tradition dictated a short period of mourning before everyone who survived got on with the business of surviving. Cecil suggested six weeks was decorous enough.

Roger signed in ink and pressed a bloody thumbprint next to his name. Janice did the same in the box underneath. The three other boxes were already filled.  
The Mayor herself inspected the document, smiled and said, "Congratulations mister and professor Palmer-Harlan-Scientist!" and the entire wedding party of five went to the Moonlite for lunch.

Carlos did not let go of Cecil's hand for the duration of the entire ceremony, the ride in Janice's car to the diner, and the meal. Cecil worked around it just fine.

Janice and Roger chatted about college for a while then left, promising to call soon. Dana left soon after, citing the need to get back to City Hall. Cecil rested his head on Carlos's shoulder. Carlos stroked Cecil's knee. They both smiled.

Carlos sighed. "I miss Earl. He'd be sitting opposite us telling us to be less embarrassing."  
Cecil grinned. "Yeah, and then we'd sandwich him between us in our corner booth and both kiss him to make him giggle."  
Carlos kissed the top of Cecil's head. "This is different. I feel different. I still wish Earl was here but it's like I'm... I can think about Earl and I get sad but also I get happy when I remember the things he used to do and the way he used to say stuff."  
Cecil lifted his head to kiss Carlos on the cheek then settled down again. "Yeah. It's like there's a part of me that is gone, cut off, and I never thought I'd be able to live without it. But I'm still here, functioning, kind of, and I can get by as long as I don't think too hard about it."  
Carlos squeezed Cecil's knee. "Yeah."  
Cecil sat up. "Want to walk home?"

They strolled home, arm in arm, reminiscing about Earl. What would Earl say about that, what did Earl once do there, oh doesn't that remind you of Earl because... 

But inside their front door, the absence of Earl silenced them. Carlos closed his eyes and hugged Cecil. He took a deep breath.  
"If Earl was right here, he'd start complaining about the meal not being as good as his cooking and we'd make fun of him until he told us to shut up or he'd never cook for us again."  
Cecil held Carlos tight. "Do you remember how when Earl moved in at first, he wouldn't let us use his kitchen stuff? And you made him a sign for his cupboard?"  
Carlos giggled. "Yes! And do you remember..."

They stood in the hallway for about twenty minutes, telling each other their memories of Earl, repeating over and over the name they had been afraid to say. Carlos led Cecil into the living room and they talked more about Earl. His favourite TV shows, how he liked being in the middle of the sofa if he'd had a bad day, how they'd wait up for him sometimes. 

In the dining room they talked about family issues that made them all sit around the table, worried faces frowning about some trouble Roger was in at school, or some problem one of them was having at work. Cecil led Carlos into the kitchen but they just looked at each other and laughed.

Carlos took Cecil's hand and led him upstairs. He paused at the door of 'their' room. The one they had not slept in since Earl's final days moved them into Roger's old room.  
Cecil nodded. Carlos pushed the door open and stepped inside. The room was clean; the bed stripped to a bare mattress, Earl's oxygen bottles removed and his walking frame gone to someone who could use it. 

Carlos spoke first. "I'm glad he was here. With us. When... you know."  
Cecil slipped his arm around Carlos's waist. "Yes."  
Carlos sighed. "Too soon."  
They retreated from the room. Cecil put a hand on the door handle but did not pull the door closed. "You know," he smiled at Carlos. "Maybe we can leave it open. Some day soon we can sit in here and talk about Earl's first night in this room rather than his last."  
Carlos nodded. "But not right now."

Back downstairs, curled up together on the sofa, Cecil and Carlos ignored the background noise of TV shows, and talked. For the first time in six weeks they talked about their own feelings, for Earl and for each other. For the first time in well over six months they discussed Earl with smiles and laughter, rather than fear and concern. 

Eventually Carlos shifted and muttered something about going to bed. Cecil followed him upstairs into Roger’s old room. Carlos lay squashed against the wall with his arm around Cecil.  
“Can we get up again, Ceece?”  
“Uh? Sure.”  
Cecil slid out of bed to let Carlos get up. Carlos toot Cecil’s hand and led him to their old room. He led Cecil inside and over to the bare mattress. Carlos sat on the edge of the bed. Cecil clambered over behind him and lay down. After a minute, Carlos sighed and lay beside him, rolled over and flopped an arm across Cecil’s chest. Cecil smiled and spoke slowly.  
“I miss Earl. Remember the night he moved in?”  
Carlos pulled him closer, a tremor in his voice. “Yeah, but I want you to tell me about it anyway.”


End file.
